The next time you engage with others, whether at work, in class, or even just standing in line for coffee, notice how what people say tends to slide into pessimism. It goes doubly so for the TV, radio, and internet. Maybe you already know how pessimistic people can be. Maybe you can even see it in yourself.
It’s really easy to take a pessimistic view of the world. The most cursory examination of politics, economics, religion, education, or pretty much any subject you can think of is wrought with hypocrisy, corruption, ignorance, and many other blood-boiling adjectives. And one of the most depressing facts it not only does this continue to happen, but these sorry state of affairs worsen and whoever we think is responsible seems to be getting away with it.
Through this perspective, anyone who is an optimist or chooses to “look on the bright side” seems stupid, foolish, and inevitably part of the problem. What’s incredibly unsettling is how pessimists seem to be speaking the truth. The pessimist has numerous examples expanding throughout history and the modern day. Their viewpoints on our injustices and hopelessness are not bound by age, race, gender, country borders, time period, or any other factor. Pessimism not only seems universal, but when a pessimist makes a prediction it is often often correct. And anyone who denies something that is universal, and undoubtedly true is surely just and idiot, right?
Thinking in this manner is a trap. It drives us to believe in a faulty causal relationship, namely that people are bad, they have always been bad, and will always be bad, therefore, everything will always be terrible. This type of thinking reveals the true danger of pessimism, and why it’s so sinister: It drives us to give up control and never take action.
Pessimism often seems so right because we are willing to let it happen. How many times have we had a singular poor outcome and say, “I knew that would happen” only to never try again? We create self fulfilling prophecies where instead of going through the difficulty of growth we take to consolation prize of justified self-pity–and it’s not as if we’re alone in this endeavor. With so many other people using the same strategy, it seems so normal. But pessimism only becomes more and more true the less and less we do. Eventually, pessimism colors our minds in such a way that makes us give up on the thought of even trying something that might genuinely excite us. When this happens, we lose control of our ability to shape our lives in a meaningful and satisfying way.
How do we free ourselves of Pessimism and its negative influence on our lives?
The answer to living a less pessimistic and more fulfilled life is simple, but not necessarily easy. The solution is not to become an optimist, that carries it’s same problem of inaction. The answer is that we have to take action against that which most angers or upsets us.
“The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails.” -William Arthur Ward
I have know many people who work to end injustices of all types. Whether it’s providing adequate health services to unwed mothers, helping the homeless, running shelters for abandoned animals, changing unfair laws, or working to end the strife of refugees, these people all have one trait in common: They aren’t pessimistic. You would think that someone who sees all of the injustices firsthand would be the most pessimistic, but surprisingly none of them are. Interestingly, they aren’t really optimists either. What drives them is knowing that they can do something. They might not change the world, but as my friend Carmen said, “At least I know I can do a hell of a lot better job than all these for-profit charities.” Action, my friends, kills pessimism. But pessimism is a weed, and though you can rid a garden of weeds, but they will come back from time to time. Learn to forgive yourself for your pessimism, but never allow it have the last word. Do more, be more, and soon you’ll find that you’ve beaten pessimism.
Tips for breaking the habit of pessimism:
1). Monitor your mind -Notice when pessimistic thoughts arise. You won’t be able to change anything you don’t notice. At first, you may notice a lot more negative thoughts than you would like to admit. This is normal, but more importantly it is necessary. Learn your own patterns and the tapes you plan on repeat. At that point you can being to work on them.
2). Don’t discredit your successes while overemphasizing your failures – Pessimists are known for pointing out the failings of themselves and others, but very often they won’t take due credit for their own successes. “It’s not a big deal, anyone could have done it” is a common response from a pessimist describing their own success. It’s important to realize that a failure is not the end and neither is a success, because failure is not the opposite of success, it is part of it. The two exist side by side and each can offer specific lessons. Be willing to learn the lessons success and failure teach and take credit for both. Find correlations between these lessons and actions and continue the actions that are working while stopping the ones that aren’t.
3). Don’t expect the worst (without doing anything about it) – Expecting the worst often times manifests exactly what we think will happen. We may not be conscious of it, but poor expectations will change out bodily language, tonality, willingness to act, and most importantly, willingness to try again. It’s not helpful to say “Always expecting the best, and you’ll get it!” because that doesn’t represent an accurate picture of the world. Instead, try writing down the worst possible outcomes. Then write what would having those outcomes would mean for you. For example, “I don’t want to ask this person out on a date because I’m afraid they will say ‘No’. I will feel rejected, and that will make me feel unattractive and unlovable.” The next step is to write a solution on how to remedy the undesirable outcome. Consider how you would get back to where you were if that outcome did happen. For example, “I would spend time with friends/family/my dog and I would feel loved and appreciated” Finally, write down the best possible outcome. Give yourself permission to imagine your most desired outcome, because you imagined the worst possible outcome in the first part of the exercise. For example, “I’ll ask this person out, they will say ‘Yes’, become the love of my life and 50 years later we’ll be chasing each other around in motorized scooters on a beach in Florida.” This exercise will get personal, but it serves to teach you two things: The worst-case and best-case scenario rarely happen, it’s often somewhere in-between, and you are more resilient than you think.
4). Act as if you already have and already are what you want – This may be one of the most powerful, and yet one of the silliest pieces of advice I’ve ever heard. “Why would I play pretend? Everyone will know I’m faking.” Surprisingly, most people have no idea what they are doing for a sizeable portion of their lives, and people don’t seem to realize it. There is a big myth that someone needs to be “ready” to be the person they want to be. The power of acting like you already have and are what you want it that you’ll begin to question your behavior and habits while steadily beginning to transform. “Would I speak to myself this way if I cared about myself?” “Would I shy away from challenges and difficulties if I was a powerful figure?” This technique helps bridge the gaps between who we are and who we want to be, as well as how the world influences us and how we influence the world. This mindset help us retain more control over out lives and not give up so easily, which stifles pessimism.
5). Learn to Forgive – Perhaps one of the most difficult to do well, forgiveness is a powerful antidote for a pessimistic mind. Pessimism often stems from a repeated feeling that we have been wronged. In these cases it’s important to have difficult conversations with others, listen to their perspective, and eventually forgive them. Forgiveness can be very humbling, but remember that a person forgives because they know that their own happiness and ability to move on is more important than the ardent feelings of resentment toward another. Did that jerk cut you off in traffic while mindlessly talking on his cell phone? Do you wish all four of his tires would spontaneously explode as his car swerves wildly into a ditch? It’s okay to think that initially, but ultimately choose forgiveness so you can be at peace.
