The beginning of Inktober went better than I had hoped. I hadn’t drawn seriously in years and was very happy that my skills hadn’t totally atrophied. The single word prompts were igniting my creativity, and I relished making drawings that interpreted these prompts with a wild, often silly freedom. The first day I drew Taylor Swift soaring head-on in a superman inspired costume. Initially, I thought it would be fun to draw the pop star as a pun of the prompt “Swift”, but then decided to make her fly when the face didn’t to have as much as a likeness as I had hoped.

The second day I decided to use the initial negative thoughts arising from the prompt of “Divided” and spin them on their head. With all the political division and policy of separation I decided to draw an older couple kissing through a chain link fence. It turned out a lot sweeter than I expected, even to the point where it might be a Pollyanna depiction of something more sinister than I realized. This was also the first time I used my new illustration markers. They were a dream. They felt so silky and the ink was much easier to control than I expected. I was really glad I got them after that day.

The days progressed from there. I was drawing again, redeveloping a skill that I long ago put on the shelf, and enjoying the therapeutic benefits of coloring and finishing a work everyday. But things changed. And it’s only now, more than a year later, that I see the change in my work.

Near the middle of the month I took a short vacation with my dad to North Carolina. I continued drawing every day, unconnected from my phone, internet or other device. I still filmed each drawing, and planned to upload them when I arrived back home. After just a few days, my dad and I received news that neither of us expected. We got a call letting us know that my younger cousin had committed suicide. The details and events surrounding the situation were grizzly, and we planned to end up trip early to be with family. We had another family vacationing near us as well, so we told them the news and explained that we wouldn’t be keeping our plans with them.

I still continued to draw every day. I had the strangest sense of motivation. I didn’t want this event to stop me, because I felt I wouldn’t be able to move forward if I actually honored my feelings. The air around me was different. The crips North Carolina mountains were still beautiful, but my family were different. They were unsympathetic, even accusatory toward my cousin. We weren’t particularly close, but I watched him grow up. I babysat him and watched cartoons with him. We played cards and went fishing. My family had similar experiences. They were a part of his life, and watching him grow up was not an experience unique to me. How could they act so coldly? This was the first time in my life that I’ve ever been disappointed my dad.

I didn’t know how to proceed. But I did have a mission–one from before these events. I continued to draw, and film. I was going to complete the Inktober challenge because it was what I had. Some people have faith. Some people have family. They pray, and they talk, and the hug. I had none of these in that tiny cabin. I had a pen, a few markers, and a camera. Luckily, I could still draw, but how I drew became different.

Before I would use the prompts to think of playful, fun situations like my Taylor Swift Supergirl or the “Divided” drawing. I continued this pattern with other drawings such as a giraffe with a top hat and monocle, an overly bendy-necked owl, and a child with the shadow of a knight.

After these events I began to draw more of what I wanted to see in the world. I drew things that I thought would be beautiful, things that I thought would make me feel calm, and things that I thought would make me feel happy. I drew dancers, and clouds bursting with color, happy pigs, people together, hugging and holder each other up.

I drew other things, too. Things that disturbing me slightly. They I’m came to my mind, but from unknown places.

I looked back at these drawings and noticed something I hadn’t before, something I wonder about now. But once I saw it, I couldn’t deny the pattern: everyone had their eyes closed. The feelings were different but the look was the same. The dancer was serene, the pig content in its mud, the crowd surfer elated by the sea of people beneath him, the couple secure in each other’s embrace. They all had reasons to be happy, and it seemed like none of those reasons existed beyond their eyelids. Curiously, the more disturbing pictures have no eyes, or they are blanked out.

I was unaware of what was happening at the time, but it became much clearer with fresh eyes. I was creating things to help me block out something I didn’t know how to deal with, which were also literally closing their eyes off to the rest of the world around them. The happy and peaceful drawings actively avoided seeing, while the more disquieting drawings simply had no means to see. All of these drawings seemed to fit this pattern, save for one.

There is one drawing of a young boy and a much larger, more muscular man. In the drawing they are having an arm wrestling competition. The giant man is in pain, wincing with his eyes closed, as the boy stares at him directly, yelling in a fit of determination. The boy is winning despite the size and strength of the man, but neither of them is having an easy time against their opponent.

Initially, I didn’t like the way this drawing turned out. I remember feeling rushed, and the overall image felt flat to me, but this drawing may be one of the more important ones I made. Instead of closing of his eyes to feel a sedated state of peace like the other drawings, the boy is intent on staring his problem in the face. Instead of being blind and monstrous like the less happy drawings, he isn’t deformed or abnormal. What he is though, is a figure that should be small and weak, fighting against a much larger, stronger, more menacing opponent–and winning.

It’s really easy to take a pessimistic view of the world. The most cursory examination of politics, economics, religion, education, or pretty much any subject you can think of is wrought with hypocrisy, corruption, ignorance, and many other blood-boiling adjectives. And one of the most depressing facts it not only does this continue to happen, but these sorry state of affairs worsen and whoever we think is responsible seems to be getting away with it.

Through this perspective, anyone who is an optimist or chooses to “look on the bright side” seems stupid, foolish, and inevitably part of the problem. What’s incredibly unsettling is how pessimists seem to be speaking the truth. The pessimist has numerous examples expanding throughout history and the modern day. Their viewpoints on our injustices and hopelessness are not bound by age, race, gender, country borders, time period, or any other factor. Pessimism not only seems universal, but when a pessimist makes a prediction it is often often correct. And anyone who denies something that is universal, and undoubtedly true is surely just and idiot, right?

Thinking in this manner is a trap. It drives us to believe in a faulty causal relationship, namely that people are bad, they have always been bad, and will always be bad, therefore, everything will always be terrible. This type of thinking reveals the true danger of pessimism, and why it’s so sinister: It drives us to give up control and never take action.

Pessimism often seems so right because we are willing to let it happen. How many times have we had a singular poor outcome and say, “I knew that would happen” only to never try again? We create self fulfilling prophecies where instead of going through the difficulty of growth we take to consolation prize of justified self-pity–and it’s not as if we’re alone in this endeavor. With so many other people using the same strategy, it seems so normal. But pessimism only becomes more and more true the less and less we do. Eventually, pessimism colors our minds in such a way that makes us give up on the thought of even trying something that might genuinely excite us. When this happens, we lose control of our ability to shape our lives in a meaningful and satisfying way.

How do we free ourselves of Pessimism and its negative influence on our lives?

The answer to living a less pessimistic and more fulfilled life is simple, but not necessarily easy. The solution is not to become an optimist, that carries it’s same problem of inaction. The answer is that we have to take action against that which most angers or upsets us.

“The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails.” -William Arthur Ward

I have know many people who work to end injustices of all types. Whether it’s providing adequate health services to unwed mothers, helping the homeless, running shelters for abandoned animals, changing unfair laws, or working to end the strife of refugees, these people all have one trait in common: They aren’t pessimistic. You would think that someone who sees all of the injustices firsthand would be the most pessimistic, but surprisingly none of them are. Interestingly, they aren’t really optimists either. What drives them is knowing that they can do something. They might not change the world, but as my friend Carmen said, “At least I know I can do a hell of a lot better job than all these for-profit charities.” Action, my friends, kills pessimism. But pessimism is a weed, and though you can rid a garden of weeds, but they will come back from time to time. Learn to forgive yourself for your pessimism, but never allow it have the last word. Do more, be more, and soon you’ll find that you’ve beaten pessimism.

Tips for breaking the habit of pessimism:

1). Monitor your mind -Notice when pessimistic thoughts arise. You won’t be able to change anything you don’t notice. At first, you may notice a lot more negative thoughts than you would like to admit. This is normal, but more importantly it is necessary. Learn your own patterns and the tapes you plan on repeat. At that point you can being to work on them.

2). Don’t discredit your successes while overemphasizing your failures – Pessimists are known for pointing out the failings of themselves and others, but very often they won’t take due credit for their own successes. “It’s not a big deal, anyone could have done it” is a common response from a pessimist describing their own success. It’s important to realize that a failure is not the end and neither is a success, because failure is not the opposite of success, it is part of it. The two exist side by side and each can offer specific lessons. Be willing to learn the lessons success and failure teach and take credit for both. Find correlations between these lessons and actions and continue the actions that are working while stopping the ones that aren’t.

3). Don’t expect the worst (without doing anything about it) – Expecting the worst often times manifests exactly what we think will happen. We may not be conscious of it, but poor expectations will change out bodily language, tonality, willingness to act, and most importantly, willingness to try again. It’s not helpful to say “Always expecting the best, and you’ll get it!” because that doesn’t represent an accurate picture of the world. Instead, try writing down the worst possible outcomes. Then write what would having those outcomes would mean for you. For example, “I don’t want to ask this person out on a date because I’m afraid they will say ‘No’. I will feel rejected, and that will make me feel unattractive and unlovable.” The next step is to write a solution on how to remedy the undesirable outcome. Consider how you would get back to where you were if that outcome did happen. For example, “I would spend time with friends/family/my dog and I would feel loved and appreciated” Finally, write down the best possible outcome. Give yourself permission to imagine your most desired outcome, because you imagined the worst possible outcome in the first part of the exercise. For example, “I’ll ask this person out, they will say ‘Yes’, become the love of my life and 50 years later we’ll be chasing each other around in motorized scooters on a beach in Florida.” This exercise will get personal, but it serves to teach you two things: The worst-case and best-case scenario rarely happen, it’s often somewhere in-between, and you are more resilient than you think.

4). Act as if you already have and already are what you want – This may be one of the most powerful, and yet one of the silliest pieces of advice I’ve ever heard. “Why would I play pretend? Everyone will know I’m faking.” Surprisingly, most people have no idea what they are doing for a sizeable portion of their lives, and people don’t seem to realize it. There is a big myth that someone needs to be “ready” to be the person they want to be. The power of acting like you already have and are what you want it that you’ll begin to question your behavior and habits while steadily beginning to transform. “Would I speak to myself this way if I cared about myself?” “Would I shy away from challenges and difficulties if I was a powerful figure?” This technique helps bridge the gaps between who we are and who we want to be, as well as how the world influences us and how we influence the world. This mindset help us retain more control over out lives and not give up so easily, which stifles pessimism.

5). Learn to Forgive – Perhaps one of the most difficult to do well, forgiveness is a powerful antidote for a pessimistic mind. Pessimism often stems from a repeated feeling that we have been wronged. In these cases it’s important to have difficult conversations with others, listen to their perspective, and eventually forgive them. Forgiveness can be very humbling, but remember that a person forgives because they know that their own happiness and ability to move on is more important than the ardent feelings of resentment toward another. Did that jerk cut you off in traffic while mindlessly talking on his cell phone? Do you wish all four of his tires would spontaneously explode as his car swerves wildly into a ditch? It’s okay to think that initially, but ultimately choose forgiveness so you can be at peace.

         As it turns out, my dad had most of what he wanted ready to go, he just needed a place to put everything. He had made brochures prior to creating a presence online and wanted his site to be a carbon-copy of his brochure. What I found out later, is that I ended up making his website thanks to GoDaddy. My dad called GoDaddy and told then what he wanted. They told him they would host his site for their standard fee and would build his site for several hundred dollars more. It was at this point that my dad decided to utilize the free labor of his offspring.

         After deciding to have me build the site, my dad still planned to host the site with GoDaddy. I took it upon myself to research different web hosts, and found that GoDaddy is often much slower that other web hosts. Considering my many of my dad’s clients had an adversarial relationship with technology, I knew speed, reliability, and ease of use were top priorities. And Like a substantial amount of the internet, my dad’s site would be built with WordPress so I knew I’d need a web host that would also interact well with that platform. 

        Since then I’ve worked to create many different types of of websites for myself and clients from simple blogs to online stores and complexly designed and animated sites for business, legal, and medical professionals. Throughout my experience, I’ve found two hosting services that continually fit the needs of myself and my clients while delivering great performance and not breaking the bank. I’ve used and recommended Bluehost and HostGator so often that I decided to become an affiliate and share my experiences below.

  Choosing the wrong hosting service can have a significantly negative impact on your site. A bad hosting service can result in slow load times, frequent site downtime, and poor security–all of which drive people away from you site. That’s why finding the right hosting is important for your WordPress site, online store, or blog.

     So what are the keys to choosing the right host and how will you know you have a host you can on in the future? Let’s go over what you should consider.

1. Loading Time & Uptime: People aren’t patient when it comes to the internet. This is the realm of instant gratification, and if your site is slow or doesn’t load right away, visitors will choose someone else’s site over yours. HostGator is often faster (in some cases twice as fast), with more uptime. Both hosting services have a 99% uptime guarantee, but HostGator has less downtime than Bluehost. I’ve never had a client complain of downtime with either service, but it’s clearly less downtime is better.

2. Security and Data Backup: Security is an especially important concern and one that continues to grow. If you aren’t running an online store chances are security may not be a major concern, but as more blogs and WordPress sites create followers who provide their email and other personal information security is paramount. Likewise, if anything does go wrong, it’s important to know that  the contents of your site are backed up on a secure server. Bluehost offers a hassle free way to backup your database, including automated backups of your file AND databases. But HostGator also has a security team dedicated to protecting your site from Hackers, Viruses, and Malware. Both offer great security and one doesn’t stand out above the other.

3. Price: Price is always a consideration, and it’s the same with hosting. There are free hosting services, cheap hosting services (a few dollars a month), and more expensive hosting services.

When it comes to hosting, free is almost never the right option because they severely hurt your site’s performance by limiting bandwidth, providing poor or no security, having really slow load times, and offering very little (often zero) support or service.

More expensive options are for very large sites with tons of traffic (think major online retailers). I’ve redesigned sites for Real Estate agents, Attorneys, and other professionals who were getting charged three times the rates of Bluehost and HostGator plans. Expensive hosting rates offer little benefit for most people, because they end up paying so much extra for things they don’t need. Blogs and Online stores hosted by Bluehost and HostGator with 100,000 or more monthly visitors do just fine, and I find it wasteful to pay more for the same result.

4. Service: If you do encounter an issue, it’s important to know that you that you can get the problem solved fast. Both Bluehost offer 24/7 U.S. based customer support, meaning they really will answer the phone and help fix problems fast. HostGator has excellent support as well, and it’s also available 24/7/365 with a variety of ways to contact them including Email Support, Live Chat, and Phone Support. Both web hosts have a great support team.

5. Reliability: It’s important to know that you can depend on your site to work. Unreliable web hosts are a headache for me to deal with, but dozens of times more frustrating for my clients. One of the worst offenders was an Indian hosting company with just barely 30% uptime and some of the most difficult customer service and a clunky user interface. Reliability comes down to many factors, but this is the “it just needs to work” consideration.

Bluehost has over 1,000,000 accounts, and more than 20,000 sites created each month. Unless you can see the servers and data centers for yourself, it’s good to look for a host that is not only stable, but able to grow.

HostGator is in the same boat. It offers stellar performance and security, and has been able to do so over 15 years while supporting with hundreds of thousands of customers and continuing to grow.

6. WordPress Ease of Use: WordPress powers over 25% of the web. Considering the massive amount of new websites created on the WordPress platform, it’s important to find a host that’s friendly with WordPress. Interestingly enough, WordPress actually recommends using Bluehost because it is fast, responsive, and you can install multiple WordPress sites on the same account easily. This makes Bluehost a great choice to make test sites or start a new blog quickly.

Currently, HostGator does not offer WordPress Hosting without paying extra. It is, however, easy to use WordPress once installed.

7. Bonus Features: To make themselves stand out, hosting companies offer bonus features for using their service. Bluehost offers Unlimited Domains on your account, unlimited databases, and bandwidth. Bluehost will also give you a Free Domain Name For Life  when you use their hosting service for a year.

HostGator offers a better Money Back Guarantee (45 days as opposed to 30), Unlimited Disk Space, Emails, and Bandwidth on All Plans, as well as a Free Weebly Site Builder. While this might not be a bonus it’s also worth noting that HostGator doesn’t require a contract like other web hosts.

It’s always nice to get something (or in this case somethings) for free that the other guy makes you pay for.

The Verdict

Both Bluehost and HostGator are excellent choices that offer great performance, support, security, and won’t break the bank. Each hosting service, however, fulfills customer needs a bit differently.

If you’re a first-time user or personal blogger, Bluehost is the best choice because of how friendly it is to beginners. It is one of the few providers endorsed by the WordPress Core team and allows for single click WordPress installation. Bluehost plans also comes with a free domain and site builder, making it a one-stop shop for someone who want to hit the ground running.

HostGator is the best choice if you’re comfortable creating websites and value the increases in performance over the Bluehost’s ease of use. HostGator’s large range of options and control make it a great choice if you need to host multiple sites, and it’s what I most commonly use to host my client’s sites.

Visit Bluehost       Visit HostGator